dangurewitch:

“[Taylor Swift sang] “You Belong With Me” with Stevie Nicks, whose dress was black as a black cat.”

-The New York Times, really taking their writing to the next level

Time to break out the proxies because Hulu has all the episodes of Lost, all 101 episodes of them, for free (ad-supported, duh). As you know, Hulu hates everyone but Americans so like I said, you’ll need a way to get around it. Good time to catch up on the stuff you’ve missed in time for the final season’s premiere. Which you can bet I’ll be watching somehow.

If Lost had a rapid transit metro, I’d be freaked out that there is a rapid transit system, then I’d hop on and grab a map. How cool is that?

I hate most people. Especially those who say they’re supporting a cause, and it turns out they’re wearing some fucking wristbands.

Oh, well done! You’re supporting the fight against cancer by buying a $1 wristband, or you’re trying to fight Internet censorship by putting hashtags in Twitter saying #nocensorship! That’s great, you really, honestly care about your cause!

Fuck you all.

Slacktivism is the word, but the word isn’t important. You’re all lazy assholes who sit around thinking you made a difference, when in fact you did exactly zero things. You put a bumper sticker saying “VOTE OBAMA”, but did you actually vote for him? Or is that so you can get with the Democrat chicks? You wear a yellow ribbon on your shirt all day… for ONE DAY. Do you really think you’re making a difference, or is this for show?

If you want to help, work in a fucking soup kitchen, you pretentious assholes. Go collect actual signatures on a piece of paper on the street. Volunteer and donate a new wing for the hospital. Jesus fucking Christ, just do something, ANYTHING, constructive. I don’t care what anyone says, you’re not doing shit if you’re sitting in an armchair and typing a few words into a 50-word box. You’re not helping the environment if you’re turning off the lights for an hour, because an hour later you’ll just be on the damn thing like nothing ever happened! You’re not helping cure cancer if you let your computer idle while it crunches numbers for Folding@home. Sure, you might feel good about it, and maybe it will help the researchers at Stanford, but it’s not called help if you’re not doing anything.

Helping’s not about feeling good like karma’s going to pay you back, it’s a long-term investment. If you want to help, go to Africa and give people their HIV medicine. You twisted assholes.

It is not news that the next big thing in the whole e-commerce arena is digital distribution. Specifically for games. Why? Because it’s just not sexy to download Photoshop or porn after paying for it online. And because music was the first big thing. Obviously games are a perfect fit because industry executives think that fat people play games, and fat people don’t like to move around, so why not bring the games to them? (I’m not fat.)

I’ve only used four or five of these magical services that promise to deliver this interactive electronic software to my squirrel-powered computer, but there are many more that exist, but I haven’t tried. And it wouldn’t be good journalism if I rated the ones I haven’t (and never plan to) used.

For the uninitiated (I’ve always wanted to say that) the idea is simple. Choose game(s), punch in your credit/debit card or other payment method, and download. There’s much more to it than that, such as download speeds, whether or not the companies want you as a customer (more on that later), and of course, the games they have on there.

One of the biggest problems is the regional restriction. Once used to stop Cubans from buying capitalist music online, it is now the reason why anyone living anywhere but North America cannot buy Grand Theft Auto 4. Or Street Fighter 4. Or Space Siege (not that you want to). Find me a game that is restricted to the US, Canada and sometimes Mexico and I will bring you Jesus Christ himself. The reason for this is not entirely known but publishers always like to pin it on licensing issues. Right. And I’m going to marry Jennifer Morrison.

Without further ado, I bring you my somewhat biased rundown of digital distribution outlets (that I have used, and not in any particular order):

1. Steam

Steam, created by the boys in Washington (state) by Valve, of Half Life fame, was originally used to serve customers generous helpings of Half Life 2 in 2004, when it was finally out of beta. It didn’t go too well, though. People in Europe felt annoyed when they tried to play their games (Europeans are still annoyed today) and it didn’t work. All in all, it was a major fiasco.

These days, it’s known for not sucking too much and cheap games and regular deals. And lots of games. Mostly mainstream titles, but there are indie games as well as some old games.

Steam’s community is a shitpile. Go to the forums and you will wish you never did. Fanboys are all over the place, attacking anything from your mother to your gender to your favorite kind of steak just because you said Steam likes to rip Non-Americans off. Which is entirely true. Europeans and Brits suffer the wrath of non US dollar pricing, which is bad enough but gets worse when you realize it’s a $49.99 game in the US but 49.99 Euros in France. Maybe one day someone will tell Gabe “I eat babies for lunch” Newell that Euros aren’t the same as US dollars.

Download speeds are hit/miss, depending if there are content servers near you (Settings and look for the Downloads tab). Generally it’s around 100kb/s to 1MB/s. I know, vague much? Steam’s got a good friends feature so you can see what your friends (if you have any) are playing and you can chat, and engage in the measuring of the e-peen via the use of achievements. But don’t get me started on those insane SSAs and those idiots claiming you don’t actually own your games. All in all, a good service if not for one or two huge problems.

2. Impulse

Impulse has some good ideas. That said, I’ve only used it for Stardock exclusives (of which I own three) and while I give them props for the GOO DRM which while sounds yucky is a good idea in giving more power to the customer while showing who’s boss. You can sell your games back to the publisher (but no game seems to have that feature, which says an awful lot, doesn’t it?) and the lack of a need to sign into Impulse and connect to the Internet (unlike Steam) is a plus, but since you’re almost always connected to the Internet (unless you’re in a Turkish prison), it doesn’t really matter. Download speeds are quite good,and the interface is very good, if not using a liberal amount of Calibri.

Regional restrictions are terrible here, with games that are blocked for purchase available internationally on Steam. Given this and the very bad community features I cannot recommend this for anything but Stardock games. I say give it another iteration or two and it will be a worthy contender to Steam.

3. Gamersgate

I like to think of Gamersgate as the cousin to Steam that never was. Instead of focusing on games like The Sims 3 or Battlefield: Bad Company 2 (which are both on Gamersgate, incidentally), they sell more of the underdogs, the lesser known games that you otherwise wouldn’t have tried. Most of them come from Europe, and a LOT of them are bad, but once in a while you’ll find that special game that you will play over and over. I’ve only got two games, and something has to be done about their downloads. Their speeds are very bad for anywhere but Europe (and even then, only a very small part of it) but they claim this will be fixed soon with more servers. DRM isn’t a problem because they tell you if there’s DRM or not. If you’re still unsure, send an email to support. Speaking of support…

Their support is nothing short of stellar. They answer quickly, they go above and beyond, and they treat you like family (paying family). Nothing but good words to say about them, except maybe more mainstream titles and ditching the download program, which you download every time you download a game (!), in favor of a unified downloader like Steam, Impulse, or…

4. Good Old Games

To be honest I don’t think this should count. It’s a rather niche market, old games, and even more so when we’re talking about good ones. But whatever, it’s my blog and I’ll do what I want.

The games are cheap. Criminally cheap. So cheap you’ll think you can afford “one more” and one week later you’re out of a home and a car. $5.99 or $9.99, no restrictions, and definitely no DRM for such classics like Myst to the lesser classics like Sensible Soccer 2006, and on rare occasions, pure and utter shit like Driver: Parallel Lines ($9.99, don’t bother).

Support is decent, sometimes they take a little nudging (like when I asked for a Far Cry multiplayer key and I had to keep pestering them), and the community is truly a far cry from the Steam forums, where people are (usually) nice and can help you out. Support is a last resort when it comes to these admittedly old games, so you’ll be spending a lot of time on the game specific forums if you’re stuck on something or other.

5. EA Store

I’m not a big fan of game publishers selling me games directly because it obviously means less choice, but EA has finally nailed it. The stores vary by region, and I’m lucky I live in Hong Kong, where there literally is a shrine for EA here. The prices are very cheap, cheaper than Steam, and sometimes even cheaper than retail (in Hong Kong, that’s saying something), and the speeds are quite good. Since it’s region-specific for your EA Store, there are no region restrictions to speak of, unless you count having less games in your store than in the United States. Of course, we’re not dealing with EA, we’re dealing with Digital River, who really sucks. Some have reported on an evil thing called Extended Download, which is $5 or $6 US to extend your download expiry date. That’s not really EA’s fault, but it’s really annoying. Some users have reported no such thing, so read the fine print to see if you’re one of the (un)lucky few.

I’ve only gotten one game from them but I intend to use them more often in the near future.

There you have it. A list of services I use and recommend (or not).

I recently got my grubby hands on a free Left 4 Dead key off G2Play, which turned out to be the German, unfun, censored version. No matter, Steam could sort it out for me, right? I mean, there’s got to be a reason why they’ve got arguably the largest user base of PC gamers online.

Right?

I sent them a nice email, detailing my plight.

I received a copy of Left 4 Dead but it turned out to be the ungory, censored German version. I do not live in Germany, I live in Hong Kong! Is there a way to fix this, can you replace the censored version with an uncensored version? Thanks.

After waiting what seemed like FOREVER, I finally got a response.

Hello, 

A staff member has replied to your question: 

Hello Michael, Thank you for contacting Steam Support. Please exit Steam and go to the folder called C:\Program Files\Steam\ (this is the default location for a Steam installation - if you set a different installation directory, you will need to browse to it). Delete all of the files in this folder except: The Steamapps folder and Steam.exe (this file is listed as an application and features the black and white Steam logo) Restart your computer. Then, you will need to launch Steam.exe from within the Steam installation folder, and not from a pre-existing shortcut. With Steam running, re-test the original issue. Note: This process will not affect your currently installed games. Let us know if you have any further questions or concerns.

What the fuck?

I clearly said I HAD A CENSORED VERSION OF LEFT 4 DEAD. I know that, because IT FUCKING SAYS I DO. What the hell is this “advice” I’m getting here? Delete everything but my Steamapps folder and Steam.exe? What does this have to do with anything? Call me an idiot but I’m pretty sure that deleting my Steam folder will not magically make Left 4 Dead uncensored. Or hell, I checked. Or maybe these incompetent fools didn’t even READ MY GODDAMN QUESTION.

I don’t like paywalls. I firmly believe that if you put in ads in your content you are able to make money and keep your content free to users. It works for TV, so it should work online, more or less. So it’s quite ridiculous to see these once-free sites such as the Wall Street Journal erect a wall to stop people from reading their articles unless they pay. A lot.

This makes no sense. Say I did have a subscription to the WSJ online. I read an interesting exclusive article and I want to share it. How, exactly? I can’t copy the link, it will either become expired or it will badger the reader with a trial or show only half of the article (like how the South China Morning Post does), so I don’t bother talking about that paper with my friends. Right there, they’ve lost a potential reader. Same goes for magazines and other newspapers that go this route.

And so will the New York Times. One of my favorite newspapers that has always been free, will no longer in 2011. You could check out archives dating back to as far as they would let you, read any article, have unobtrusive ads, and excellent stories for free. People would still buy the paper, and they make money off those online versions of the paper (see Times Reader) that are more intuitive than the normal free version, but offers more or less the same thing.

Starting in early 2011, visitors to NYTimes.com will get a certain number of articles free every month before being asked to pay a flat fee for unlimited access. Subscribers to the newspaper’s print edition will receive full access to the site.

So it’s like a glorified trial. It’s not the first time the NYT has been dabbling with this, but it seems to tell me that online advertising isn’t working. And that can’t be it. They have the most readers online, and advertisers pay more for higher traffic. So why are they doing this? What I do know is that this won’t be good, and I hope they come round before 2011.

I will erect a paywall in early 2011 as well. $49.95 a year to read all my articles!

Anonymous asked: How can a swallow carry a coconut?

I DON’T KNOW STOP HURTING MY BRAIN

Anonymous asked: ...is this thing broken?

Apparently not.

Anonymous asked: Is is worth supporting Vodafone in the vain hope that Lord Bond wipes out all the Gungans?

My Magic 8 Ball says it’s not. But it once told me to buy Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel, so I don’t know.

michaelleung asked: I'm asking myself a question because I'm a narcissistic bitch

I’m awesme.